Enough to make your blood boil!?

If you had the chance to banish some of your worst nightmares to the depth of a locked room, what would they be and why? In the comical TV show, 'Room 101', Paul Merton poses that same question to his guests. After giving a class from an Advanced book on the same topic, it got me thinking. What would I send to Room 101? Living in Madrid, I find it all too easy to come up with several pet peeves.

Nomation Number 1: Space Invaders
I'm talking about the people who seem to have no awareness of personal space. Take the underground for example, why do people insist on reading their hardback book when the train is jam-packed? Why do they have to stick their bloody novel into my spine so I can feel every turning of every page? Why did a woman feel it necessary to lean on me and effectively squash me against the bloody wall the other day when she had enough space to park a car at the other side of her? And then when I asked her to move she refused to do so telling me that I should buy a car!

Nomination Number 2 : Inconsiderate umbrella carriers
I understand that an umbrella is a very practical and useful accessory and that there are times when people need to protect themselves from the pouring rain, but God damn it we need to have a bit of common sense and manners, folks! Madrid is a big city, there are a lot of people and most of them have no idea about (a) personal space, as I said above, and (b) the danger of using an umbrella that has a spoke sticking out of the side in the style of a lethal eye-poker-outer device. Imagine the scene: Plaza Castilla, rush hour, 25 people standing on either side of a zebra crossing, it's pissing it down, everyone is carrying an umbrella, (30% of which have a spoke loose), the green man starts flashing, people start crossing, (but this is Madrid so people have to cross the street in a diagonal or sometimes zigzag fashion depending on whether or not they have just seen their bus pull up), Faye Hobson is in the middle wearing her Barbour waterproof hat looking like a twat, but not getting in anyone's way, she proceeds to cross the street, ducking and diving but still not completely avoiding getting smacked in the chest twice and scratched down the side of the face. AGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Nomination Number 3: Spanish Drivers
- The red light means that you stop your car! It does not mean that you can keep driving until the people waiting at the zebra crossing decide to launch themselves into the street so that they can get to the other side before the red man starts flashing.

- A zebra crossing is for pedestrians, it is not a place to park your car, nor is it the place you stop when the light turns red so that myself and all the other poor folk have to zig zag in and out of the traffic hoping that we can get to the other side before the lights change and the cars set off, regardless of whether or not people are still on the crossing.

-The horn should be used as little as possible. Blaring on it non-stop for ten minutes is not going to make the traffic move any faster. It is a traffic jam, the traffic is at a standstill for a reason and not just because the drivers ahead of you have decided to stop and have a rest!

-Drink driving, speeding, double parking and talking on the mobile phone while driving is not clever, knock it off!

Nomination Number 4: Inconsiderate Mobile Phone Users

Here I'm talking about the type of person who screams "I'm on a bus" at the top of their voice down the handset and you can hear their entire conversation. The other day I even saw a woman using her hands free on the bus when she had the phone in her other hand! I mean we hear even more of the bloody topic of conversation when you are talking into a little microphone!I'm also talking about the type of people who think it is a good idea to scroll through all the possible ring tones on their mobile three times before choosing one when sitting on a train or bus. I'm referring to the selfish bastards who leave their mobile phones switched on in the cinema because they can't live for fear of missing an important social/business call.

I am beginning the realise that the more time I spend in the city, the less tolerant I am becoming. I am afraid I might explode one of these days. There are so many more things that wind me up something cronic;

- Dog-owners not cleaning up their dog's crap
- People standing on the steps of the Underground handing out flyers.
- The sextet of musicians that play four songs on repeat all day long outside the academy (I can't take anymore "Oh when the saints" or flipping "My Way"!!!!)
- Road works

I could go on and on but I think I had better stop before I give myself a hernia, so the rant is over. However, feel free to post a comment with your own nominations for Room 101 and if you are interested in some of the nominations made by British Celebrities you can check it out here.